I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
