Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
