Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
