fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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