Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
