Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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