worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
