Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
