p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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