it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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