You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
