In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
