dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
