Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
