That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
