oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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