we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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