we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
