you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
