Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was like eating out sand paper
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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