Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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