i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
