then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
