he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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