That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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