did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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