I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
