a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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