you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
