"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
