You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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