Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
