I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
