no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
