watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
