hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
