Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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