We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
