i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
