the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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