Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
