I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
