someone threw a dead crab at me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
