Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
