The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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