If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
