i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
