I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
