I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
