is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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