Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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