I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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