so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
