I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
