The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
