just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
