I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsš
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
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