I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
