And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
