hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
