tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
