So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
