White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
