It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
