I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
