I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
