You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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