im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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