My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
