He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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