listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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