i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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