I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
