Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We don't watch enough power rangers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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